There comes a point in every artist's life where they lose all creative juice and end up shaking alone, cold in a gutter. They remember all the fabulous ideas that got them excited to wake up in the morning and causes them to loose track of everything else while they work. Like junkies, they need that next fix fleshing out one of those ideas can bring. They cant wait to see if others get as hooked as they find themselves. The world is full of sunshine and chainsaws. And then...the water dries up and they wonder why cant they think of something new.
This is a pretty colorful way to think about it but yes that is what happened to me some years ago. I had a pretty bad case of artist block. It was never so much a problem of a lack of ideas. I had quite a few that sparked but never caught fire in my imagination. I didn't feel the desperation to get it out of my head I once did when I was working on far too many projects in college. I just couldn't get at the meat of any of it anymore. Ideas I once couldn't keep off my mind were distant memories as I wondered "well I know the end and the beginning but the middle just won't come". People wanted BLTL back and as my first baby I wanted to give them that. But the random that was needed to write it was gone. The things I did know what I wanted to I couldn't draw to satisfaction. Most painful of all, I couldn't draw anymore. Nothing more than the odd doodle here and there.
It was probably stress that just piled up so high I needed to let it work itself out of me. Yes I felt and still feel for the few fans I got before my juices ran dry. I have been in there shoes as something I loved or even just found interesting dried up. I always found myself wondering if the person that gave birth to such a thing was disappointed they couldn't finish what they started the way they probably wanted to.
For me college took its toll. Between feeling like a complete failure by the time I left as well as the loss of some very important people in my life, one in death, others just drifted away for better or for worse. Then when I got home I just kind of stalled out. Now after all that time and a rough time dealing with my mother's steep decline in health until her death I seemed to have been able to finally let all that go.
The old juices aren't back as of yet. They may be one day. I still have fondness for old ideas and even would like to maybe rework them all in time. I do have new juices though. Things that have simmered for these years that have finally begun to take form. Its nice to find homes for characters I never thought would meet paper. So that's what I plan to work on now.
Currently I am diving back into this all with my passion for horror/scary stories and the anthology of such things as Vault of Horror and Tales from the Crypt. What better way to get back into things than to take on a project that can have a definite end with any issue should I so chose?
More details will come about this project with time. I wont post much here as I am beginning to transfer my attention to my tumblr account. I will try and keep the more detailed posts here as well and a progress report once I have more progress to report on. I will tell you I am two pages into sketching the first chapter of the new progress so the cat very well may be back.
Keep it scary,
Nekko
